What if the thing you were taught to hide is exactly what qualifies you to lead?
Carlos Marquez grew up in the child welfare system, an organization he now helps lead as the Executive Director of the County Welfare Directors Association of California. He was shaped by shame, addiction, and instability, and then rebuilt by grandparents who gave him consistency and love. He’s spent his career turning that story into policy that protects other kids like him, and his life into proof that the things men are taught to hide — softness, fear, difference — aren’t liabilities. They’re often the source of the clearest-eyed leadership.
In this conversation with Mary Daffin, Carlos traces the throughline from a childhood defined by shame to a life defined by service: how trauma shapes a child’s brain and behavior, how a single reliable adult can interrupt that cycle, and how he came to understand his own identity as a gay Mexican-American man not as a departure from the masculinity he was raised around, but as its own form of it.
“I think justice is too elusive; I think fairness is achievable… if we can create the right conditions for fairness, justice will come.”
Key Takeaways
- Why Carlos believes one reliable adult can change the entire trajectory of a young person’s life.
- How being raised by his grandfather shaped his definition of what it means to “be a man”.
- Why Carlos sees being gay as a “permission structure” that lets him access emotion many straight men are taught to suppress.
- Why he believes fairness, not justice, is the achievable goal.
Guest
Carlos Marquez is the Executive Director of the County Welfare Directors Association of California (CWDA), representing the administrators of California’s safety net programs across all 58 counties.
He is a seasoned advocate and recognized state association leader with nearly two decades of capitol experience. Against the backdrop of some of the toughest policy fights in Sacramento, Carlos has built a record of major legislative and budget achievements on behalf of large and diverse membership organizations.
Carlos previously founded CM3 Advocacy, a Sacramento-based policy and advocacy firm. In past roles as inaugural executive director of ACLU California Action and senior vice president of the California Charter Schools Association, Carlos secured legislation and budget investments to address disparities in California’s public safety and public education systems. Carlos is a founding member of The Jacquelyn.